UNDER 200

I’m under 200 pounds (90.72 kg) and over halfway to my goal! I had to take a photo of the scale to commemorate the occasion. I can’t recall how long it’s been since I was at this weight. Probably 7 or 8 years, if I had to guess. It’s a great feeling to be making this change to a healthier weight and I’m finally seeing some physical changes, namely in my face. More on that below.

Since my last journal entry, I’ve lost 4.2 pounds (1.91 kg), for a grand total of 33 pounds (14.97 kg) lost so far! As always, you can see the daily breakdown of caloric intake and weight measurements in the chart toward the bottom of this page.

I don’t have any specific theme this week. I thought I’d discuss some random aspects of my life that have been impacted by my diet, such as sleep, cooking measurements, clothes, and physical transformations. Let me know in the comments if there is anything you’d like me to cover or elaborate on!

Sleep Habits

I have had trouble sleeping my entire life. I’ve tried over the counter sleep aids, natural remedies, and one prescription sleep aid. None of them worked. The prescription one actually worked well the first night, but it was ineffective after that. And it gave me a terrible metallic taste in my mouth for 24 hours after each pill, so I wasn’t too keen on trying after 4 days of nothing.

I’ve always been too scared to try Ambien due to the potential side effects. I really don’t want to cook and drive while sleepwalking with no memory of the event. That doesn’t sound like an enjoyable time.

Generally, I get between 5 and 6 hours of sleep per night, which is usually enough. I’m tired, but functional. That changed when I began counting calories. If it was possible, I had even more trouble falling asleep and I couldn’t remain asleep for the life of me.

My sleep changed to 2 to 4 hours a night. I was dead tired, but I couldn’t sleep. That lasted for nearly three weeks. Then I slowly returned to my old sleep habits.

I had secretly hoped that cutting calories would encourage my body to sleep longer in order to conserve energy, but no such luck. I’m assuming my body was shocked by the sudden lack of calories and didn’t know how to process it.

In fact, I’ve noted that the less I eat in a day, the worse I sleep. There were a few days this week that I went way under my usual caloric intake (long story), and I had severe insomnia the following nights. I make sure never to go to bed hungry anymore because it has an adverse effect on my sleep, even if that means going over my budgeted calories for the day.

That hasn’t seemed to help over the past several days, however. I’m not sure why, but I can’t stay asleep longer than 4 hours currently. One night I didn't sleep at all. I remember learning in one of my psychology classes that trouble remaining asleep is a sign of depression. I don’t think I’m depressed, but I always remember that lesson when I can’t fall back to sleep. Hopefully this extreme bout of insomnia will pass soon because I’m TIRED!

Cooking Measurement Dilemmas (aka First World Problems)

As someone who enjoys to cook, the need to measure every single thing out can be trying. Part of the fun of cooking is winging it and throwing things together. The exception to that is baking. Measuring is always required there.

However, if I don’t measure how much oil I use or sauce I make, then I’ll have no idea how many calories I’m consuming and I’ll end up back where I used to be. The results definitely make the annoyances worth it.

I used to drink tea regularly and didn’t realize why I had stopped after counting calories. Then it hit me. It’s the honey. I would squeeze honey into my cup, but now I have to measure it, which for some reason annoys me when it comes to honey. Honey sticks to the measuring spoon and it doesn’t all come off. I have to wash it. I prefer not to waste soap for one spoon, but I also don’t intend to leave the honey coated spoon sitting out until I have more dishes to wash.

I finally had tea again last weekend and I’m glad I did. It’s a relaxing drink and much lower in calories than coffee with creamer, even with the honey. As far as the spoon goes, I pour the hot water over it to get all of the honey into the cup so at least I don’t feel like I’m wasting any. And it doesn’t leave a sticky mess to wash.

Speaking of coffee and tea, caffeine affects me more than ever these days. Since I quit drinking soda and rarely drink coffee, I actually notice the effects. Back in my college days, and after, I drank energy drinks and soda all the time. I never felt any different, and certainly never had any additional energy. It’s kind of neat to experience more alertness from my occasional cup of coffee.

A New Face

I truly realized how much I’ve lost a couple days ago. I’ve mentioned this before, but I really haven’t noticed much of a change seeing myself in the mirror every day. That’s why I take photos every time I lose ~5 pounds. Even comparing the pictures, I wasn’t seeing that drastic of a difference, certainly not what I thought a 30-pound loss would look like.

The other day, I took a close up picture of my face for a “project” I’m working on. The original photo in this project of mine was taken in March when I was over 230 pounds (104.33 kg). I’m approximately 197 pounds (89.36 kg) in the new one. I overlaid the new picture and holy crap! If I haven’t lost anywhere else, I’ve definitely lost in my face. I can’t believe how much wider and rounder my face was!

I reluctantly posted the photos here, even though I hate sharing close up pictures of myself. I thought it was important to the spirit of my journal, to inspire or just prove that I’m actually following through with my writings. And I’m unwilling to post my shirtless body pictures just yet. You can thank me in the comments!

Thankfully, I feel as though I look better and more like myself now. It’s been a fear of mine that my face will get so skinny that I’ll look like I’m on meth. Many, many. . . many years ago, I drastically lost weight for no apparent reason. I went down to 130 pounds before gaining again. I’m uncomfortable seeing photos of myself from that time. I have no intention of returning to that weight, but I am concerned “meth face” will reappear.

My eyes seem bigger now. It could be that my obesity eyes were being squinty, as I believe I was facing a light in the photo. But I’m okay with showing off my baby browns if they are indeed bigger. Why do blue-eyed individuals get to say baby blues if I can’t say baby browns?? What do you mean no one says baby blues anymore??

It’s not good to compare yourself to other people, kids! But I do, though not necessarily in the way you would expect. Long before I began losing weight, I envied the chins of actors on television shows or movies. Yes, I said chins. Thin people have such well-defined chins and it made me self-conscious about my own fatty, double chin. That’s not the only thing I was/am insecure about, but I felt that my face was the clearest indication of my weight since I wore clothes to hide the rest of my body.

I’m slowly getting my chin back, which is pretty exciting. It’s the little things!

Clothing

Lately I’ve been obsessed with t-shirts that I see online. I’ve avoided t-shirts for a very long time because my stomach protrudes through the fabric more noticeably than it does in button-up shirts. I’m still not ready to wear t-shirts again, but knowing that I’ll be able to soon has heightened my interest in them.

I still prefer button-up shirts, as that’s my style and I’m comfortable in them, but there are a lot of clever t-shirts I want one day.

As the prospect of being able to wear things that I’ve avoided for so long is approaching, a certain sadness has crept in. All of my clothes are going to be too big for me soon. Right now, I can easily pull down one of my pairs of pants even when they’re buttoned and zippered. Those pants used to be tight on me.

I’m only halfway to my goal, so I can imagine how ridiculous I’ll look at that point. I’m not too terribly concerned, but it is something I’m thinking about.

Conclusion

Thank you for reading! Your support means the world to me. I’m sorry for the disjointed journal entry this week. I hope you are well and I’ll see you in two weeks!

Daily Breakdown of Weight and Caloric Intake

Date	Pounds	Kilograms	Caloric Intake
21 August 2016	201.2 lb	91.26 kg	1466 calories
22 August 2016	201.5 lb	91.40 kg	1325 calories
23 August 2016	200.1 lb	90.76 kg	1220 calories
24 August 2016	199.6 lb	90.54 kg	1297 calories
25 August 2016	199.8 lb	90.63 kg	1261 calories
26 August 2016	199.5 lb	90.49 kg	1254 calories
27 August 2016	198.6 lb	90.08 kg	1237 calories
28 August 2016	199.1 lb	90.31 kg	1064 calories
29 August 2016	197.8 lb	89.72 kg	994 calories
30 August 2016	198.2 lb	89.90 kg	1447 calories
31 August 2016	197.6 lb	89.63 kg	1072 calories
1 September 2016	197.9 lb	89.77 kg	1448 calories
2 September 2016	197.4 lb	89.54 kg	1296 calories
3 September 2016	197.2 lb	89.45 kg	1273 calories
4 September 2016	197.0 lb	89.36 kg	---