LIGHTNING

Has your interest ever been sparked* by the arrival of lightning? Well, you’re in luck because I am here today to provide you with a flash* card of lightning facts and tips about this exciting experience. Oh yes, we just went there!

*Powered by the Pun Maker 2000

Let’s begin with some startling measurements, shall we? The spark can reach over five miles and raise the temperature of the air by 50,000ºF. It contains one hundred million electrical volts! I don’t know about you, but I prefer my electricity at 120 volts.

Lightning can kill! I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but it’s true. It’s the leading cause of weather-related deaths and injuries in the U.S. It can also cause cardiac arrest, strokes, severe burns, permanent brain damage, memory loss, and personality change.

“Well, gosh Barry!” I’m sure you’re saying aloud to your screen right now. “There must be something I can do to avoid all of those terrible things during a lightning storm. Perhaps I’ll put on some thick rubber shoes and talk on my corded phone while standing under a tall tree. Surely that will keep me safe, right?”

No, silly! That’s exactly what you SHOULD NOT do. Rubber shoes do nothing to protect you from lightning, and standing under a tall tree is the most dangerous place to take shelter. I wouldn’t be using that phone if I were you. Talking on a corded telephone is the leading cause of lightning injuries within the home.

“Barry, I’m frightened!”

As you should be, hypothetical person speaking to my computer screen. Allow me to put your mind at ease by providing you some annual fatality statistics:

• 1 in 10.8 million die in plane crashes
• 1 in 7 million die from lightning
• 1 in 3 million from snake bites
• 1 in 2 million from falling out of bed
• 1 in 959,984 from venomous spiders
• 1 in 700,000 die from dog attacks
• 1 in 20,000 people are murdered

Lightning may very well be frightening, but as you can see from the aforementioned statistics, it is actually much less dangerous than you may have previously thought. There are so many other things that should be feared over lightning. In fact, you’re more likely to be killed by a flying champagne cork than lightning. I love champagne, so I’ll take my chances with that one. Besides, if you’re drinking real champagne, you would never shake up the bottle before opening it. To be safe, place a towel over the cork and use that to open it. I digress…

Even though you’re more likely to be killed by any number of things, you should not let your guard down during a lightning storm. A person can get struck by lightning even if the center of the storm is ten miles away and there are blue skies overhead.

“But Barry!”

Yes, hypothetical screen talker?

“You said earlier that the lightning spark was five miles long, but now you’re saying I can be struck if the storm is ten miles away. What gives?”

You need to read more carefully, hypothetic question asker. I said that you can be struck if the CENTER of the storm is ten miles away. A storm can easily have a five mile radius, which will allow that happy little lightning bolt to reach you.

“Thanks for clarifying that for me.”

You’re welcome, my friendly interrupting person. You’re welcome. Now, where were we?

“Lightning.”

That was a rhetorical question.

“Sorry.”

It’s quite alright. Now, 1 in 700,000 people are struck by lightning, but only 10% are killed. If your hair begins to stand up during a thunderstorm, get indoors immediately. The positive electrical charges are moving though you from the ground to the negative charge in the sky. Lightning may be on its way down to you!

“Eep!”

Eep indeed, my friend.

Disclosure: We at Axioms with Barry apologize for the interruptions made by the hypothetical screen question asker. We hope you had similar inquires and that you were enlightened by the information provided by Barry.