THE MOON, ZOMBIES AND VAMPIRES

Welcome back to Axioms with our second double-digit post! Today we will be discussing the moon, zombies, and vampires. Oh my! (That’s a Wizard of Oz “oh my,” not a George Takei “oh my.” I love George Takei, but I’m trying to convey the fear instilled by the “oh my” of Wizard of Oz. I parentheses digress…)

Let’s begin with the moon, shall we? Then we’ll delve into the dark recesses of YOUR mind!!!

Disclosure: That’s not at all what we’re going to do. Sometimes we wonder where Barry thinks of these things. But he does do all the research for the site so we give him some slack.

Disclosure #2: He doesn’t really do THAT much research, does he? I mean, it’s not like he’s writing letters to descendants of historical figures to try to uncover the truth. Or is he?

Disclosure #3: Why does Barry still refer to himself in the third person, especially dur… OKAY I GET IT!

Perhaps the topics of today’s Axioms would be better examined on Halloween instead of 3 days after it's over, and maybe it would be a good idea for me to post on a regular basis, instead of waiting 2 months between some posts and less than one between others. I think the full moon is affecting my behavior. After all, the words lunacy, lunatic, and loony all have their roots in lunar (consequently, they’re also all words that have been used to describe me at some point). Is there any truth to that? Interviews of nurses and police officers have revealed that they believe more crime and trauma occur during a full moon, but the research does not support it. Using the full moon to explain the unpredictability of your surroundings and ensuing chaos is unwarranted and you should stop doing it. You should stop it right now.

“But, what about werewolves? The full moon affects their behavior quite a bit.”

Oh. It’s you again. Since there is no categorical evidence proving the existence of werewolves, they cannot be used as an example. In truth, an equal amount of insanity occurs despite the moon, it is just more noticed during a full moon. The moon does affect the tides, however. It also prevents Earth from weeble-wobbling, and causing thousand foot tidal waves to engulf the planet. Without the moon, Earth couldn’t sustain life. Yay moon!

Will Earth sustain life when the zombie apocalypse (nice segue!) arrives? One time, I was awoken by the emergency broadcast system on my radio and for a moment, I thought the zombie apocalypse was upon us. I have to admit, I actually enjoy zombie movies in general. They’re usually fun movies. That’s irrelevant. We want to know where the idea for zombies originated.

The word “zombie” entered the English language back in 1871. However, the concept of zombies appeared far earlier in history. According to the tenants of Vodou in West Africa (where miracle fruit is from!) and Haiti, a dead person can be revived by a bokor. They remain under the control of the bokor because they have no will of their own.

That differs slightly from the zombies we know of today. There are five attributes of zombies that remain consistent in popular culture today:

1. Zombies are mindless, unfeeling, living corpses
2. They feast on human flesh
3. They can only be killed by destroying their heads, or being consumed by fire
4. Normal people become zombies by being infected by a plague, which can be passed by being bit by a zombie
5. It is associated with the idea of a zombie apocalypse

Even though there are several references to zombies in Western culture, the roots that became the basis for zombie mythology in popular culture are not found until Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Fall of the House of Usher” in 1839. Who demolished Usher’s house? I bet he was pissed. Usher was alive in 1839? Maybe he’s a zombie…or a vampire! (Two amazing segues; I’m on a roll tonight!)

Many believe that the concept of vampires originated from vampire bats. In fact, this is not true. There are three species of vampire bats, all found in Central and South America. They rarely feed on humans. To eat, they make a small incision on a sleeping animal and drink the blood. They only need two teaspoons of blood per day to survive.

“That all sounds pretty vampirey. Are you sure that’s not where vampires come from?”

I am sure and I’ll tell you why! Vampire bats are not native to Europe or Asia, where the legend of the vampire began. Vampire bats were not known until the 1500’s, when explorers noticed their strange eating habits. The bats received their name based on the legend, rather than the legend from the bat. Interestingly, the description of vampires in legends is very similar to the behavior of vampire bats, even though the legend predates the discovery of the bats. It is still unknown where the legend originated, but if I ever find out, I will write about it here. Unless an actual vampire tells me and threatens to kill me if I reveal that information, in which case I will not tell you.

Well, this was a pretty frightening Axioms! Are you going to have trouble sleeping tonight? I know I am, but that’s because I have insomnia. Keep watch for future posts, where we will be discussing dinosaurs, hamburgers, eyes, and much more. All on future installments of Axioms with Barry!